SpN challenge fic: The Horsemen Arrive; gen; PG

[definewisdom]

I wrote Apocalypse!crack... Possibly the most bizarre thing I have ever written (apart from that thing with the leprechauns which is only in one notebook and will probably never be inflicted upon the internet). Written for the spn_boc challenge. My chosen Blue Öyster Cult Song was 'The Horsemen Arrive' and for some reason the fic became... this.

Title: The Horsemen Arrive
Author: Mariana O'Connor
Characters: Dean, Sam, Death, Famine, War and Pestilence. Also featuring some souls of the damned.
Rating: PG
Time frame: post-series? I imagine
Pairing: none, gen
Disclaimer: I don't own the Winchesters, the Impala, the Horsemen of the Apocalypse or Blue Oyster Cult. I just <3 them a whole lot.
Summary: It's the End of the World... winchester style... sort of.

Notes: I know that Reapers aren't actually Death, but I took a few liberties.



“So this is it, huh?” Dean asked, leaning against the driver’s door of the Impala.

“I guess,” his brother replied, coming to stand next to him, a polystyrene cup in each hand.

“The end of it all, the big one, the final curtain?” He grabbed a cup from Sam and sipped at the coffee – his last cup if he wasn’t mistaken.

“mmhm…” Sam murmured, blowing at his own drink too cool it down. Perhaps a little futile, given the chasm of fire that now inhabited the place previously occupied by the coffee shop.

“Dude, Armageddon’s a bit of a let down. I expected it to be… more red?” The sky above them crackled ominously with lightning.

“I don’t know,” Sam shrugged, “the blue’s kind of atmospheric.” He glanced over the road to where a dragon stood, roaring, its head flung back.

“Yeah, but still – the Apocalypse?” Dean paused thoughtfully. “You know what this needs?” He turned and leaned in through the window of the car, watched by his bemused brother as one of the souls of the damned was thrown screaming overhead.

“What?”

“Some decent music.” He punched ‘play’ and cranked the volume up to full. Blue Öyster Cult blasted out from the speakers.

Sam laughed and shook his head in disbelief.

“The world is ending and you’re concerned with the background music?” A little distance from them the ground broke open and flames sprang up. “Shouldn’t we be trying to stop this?” he asked as a scream managed to make it past the barrier of rock music.

“Bit late now…”

“True.”.

“Seriously though, if this is the Apocalypse, then where are the horsemen?” Sam turned to him questioningly. “You know – the four horsemen of the Apocalypse: Death, Famine, Pestilence, War.”

“I know what they are, I’m just surprised you do.”

“Dude – BOC, Metallica, of course I know.” His younger brother threw back his head and laughed.

“Should have guessed.”

There was a scream that sounded more bestial than human and they turned towards the sound. Hooves sounded high above them and they looked up towards the sky.

“There they are…”

“Cool.” Dean took another swig of coffee and grinned, still staring upwards. “Hey….”

“What?”

“Dude, I know that chick.” He pointed at one of the riders rampaging above them. Sam’s jaw came dangerously close to dropping.

“Don’t tell me you hooked up with one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse.” His brother’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“I… don’t remember.” He shook his head, “Maybe that means we’ll get let off easy.”

“More likely that we’ll be picked out for special tortures.” Sam countered. Dean glared at him, but let it rest, after all, it was the end of the world – you shouldn’t waste time arguing. They fell into silence again, observing as the scythe of the girl Dean may or may not have slept with cut down swathes of people.

“Did that place have pie?” Dean asked, finishing off the last of his coffee.

“Not any more…” his brother gestured to the fiery pit behind them, into which the lost souls were being herded.

“No more pie? Man, That sucks out loud!”

Comments

[curtainpull.livejournal.com]

Hee! Exactly what the world needs, non angsty apocalyptic crack fic! Thanks for posting this to the comm! (fancy entering one of the challenges *pokes*)

Love the almost relaxed brotherly banter, and the way Dean may well have slept with Death, hilarious!

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Actually heheh... it's me mariana_oconnor this is just my writing journal. Maybe I should have said. But I do need to do something for the challenge... aaargh! I wrote the thing, how can I have no ideas?!

Why does the end of the world have to be angsty? So what if there will be no more pie... there'll be lots of pretty fire. ^_^

[curtainpull.livejournal.com]

Ooops! Hi there *g*

Hmm, ideas for the chalenge... Well, a lot of the angsty scenes have already been done, but of the top of my head, no one's yet reversed the "Dean grives over Sam's body" bit from ahbl2, the car smash from elac or the drunken "promise to kill me" bit. Must be some way of cracking one of those up!

And yeah, fire bad, but flames pretty!

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

so is that tessa standing in for death? :D this is really cute - i love how casual the boys are about watching the end of the world ("armageddon's a bit of a letdown") and that dean is mostly pissed because there's no more pie. and that sam knows about the four horsemen from listening to dean's music. hee.

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

I decided that in this little universe the Reapers were sort of aspects of death... and Dean has some residual memory of his time in limboland, so he recognises her, but can't put his finger on where.

Thanks, for some reason I can just see them being casual about something that big. Little things like music and pie are vitally important but the end of the world - no big deal.

[girlfan1979.livejournal.com]

Awesome!

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *bows* Glad you liked it.

[misswonderheart.livejournal.com]

This... I just.... oh, the crack!

“Dude, I know that chick.”
“Don’t tell me you hooked up with one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

BWAHAHAHA!

*wipes tear* Oh, this is too funny.

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

I made people laugh! yay! Thanks for the lovely review... So happy you enjoyed it.

[pen37.livejournal.com]

LOL! That's just too much!
Apocalypse crack! What Pratchett would write if he wrote Supernatural.

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

I had reread Good Omens the day before I wrote this... ^_^;; how could you tell?

The comment makes my day though. Oh for the brilliance of Terry Pratchett.

Thanks so much! Glad it made you laugh.

[pen37.livejournal.com]

Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaman are writing gods!
My favorite part of that book was the way that every tape forgotten in a car automatically turns into Queen.

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Oh that part's great... although I love the fact that Crowley has to finish the journey in his Bentley because he started it in it and that's all there is to it. Oh I might need to reread it again... and it's been less than a week.

[girlfan1979.livejournal.com]

Okay, I just had to read again.

Yes, already.

What?

"More likely that we’ll be picked out for special tortures."

The italics in that sentence make it the very definition of perfect. I can hear Sam's "special" bitchface voice as he says it.

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Again? Oooh, that makes me feel special (without the Sam bitchface italics).

We <3 Sam's bitchface voice... it's so very little brothery of him. ^_^

[girlfan1979.livejournal.com]

We <3 Sam's bitchface voice... it's so very little brothery of him. ^_^

It so is!

[tigriswolf]

*hee* Totally awesome!

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I aim to amuse.

[memphis86.livejournal.com]

I liked the whole cavalier attitude the boys take here. "Oh well, end of days, gimme coffee." Nice job! :D

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

They totally would be like that... IT's vitally important that they play down the big things - it's the Winchester way.

I'm glad you liked it. ^_^ Thanks

[meli-64.livejournal.com]

LOL. Awesome. :D

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Thank you ^_^! Glad you enjoyed it.

[labseraph.livejournal.com]

OMG. *is sprawled on the floor*

I shouldn't laugh so hard when I just put a face mask on. But this is awesome crack. Brings to mind a fic where Dean actually slept with War (can't remember who's the author, though).

*hic*

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the facemask... but happy you liked the fic! I'll have to keep an eye out for that fic. Sounds fun. Thanks for reading and taking the time to review. ^_^

[lynzibell.livejournal.com]

Is it sad that I can actually see the boys doing this during Armageddon? This is too funny! Thanks for writing it!

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading it! I'm happy you can picture it... I sort of had the scene playing out in my mind as I wrote it. Good thing I'm not the only one, it's nice to have company.

[iamstealthyone.livejournal.com]

“Did that place have pie?” Dean asked, finishing off the last of his coffee.

“Not any more…” his brother gestured to the fiery pit behind them, into which the lost souls were being herded.

“No more pie? Man, That sucks out loud!”

LOL!

I love how the boys are so casual during the apocalypse, drinking coffee and discussing lighting and musing on what Dean's sex life could mean if he actually did sleep with one of the horsemen. Fun fic! Thanks for a very amusing read. :)

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the review! I don't know why, but when I thought about the apocalypse this is just what came to mind - coffee and lighting included. I'm really happy that you liked it.

[sin-of-pride.livejournal.com]

LOL! Okay, apocalyptic crack!fic, there should be some sort of prize involved. I love how casual they both are while drinking coffee and judging the appropriate colour for the sky. "Dude, I know that chick." Dean and Death certainly could have had an affair at this point...

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Oooh prize... sounds good. I'll just have to make do with all the great reviews I got. Not that it's really making do. Reviews make my day.

Dean and Death certainly could have had an affair at this point... Yeah he's come so close so many times... I may have to elaborate on that at some point.

Thanks so much for reading.

[eesia.livejournal.com]

Oh Dean, all he can think is cake? Soooo Dean :)

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah... He never thinks with his upstairs brain, only his downstairs brain and his stomach...

Thanks!

[overstreets.livejournal.com]

AWESOME. This was hilarious. Coffee and pie and Dean cranking up BOC and maybe having slept with one of the horsemen and Sam just being SAM. So good.

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I do love to make people laugh. Also good to know I've got the characterisation right, it's always difficult to tell whether they're right, or it's just the versions of the characters you have in your head talking (yes I have Dean and Sam in my head, doesn't everyone?)

Really happy that you liked it.

[ex-rosegany.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry I just now got to reading to this - It made me giggle :) Loved the boys' voices here, and your take on and their reaction to the Big One! And the idea that Dean might've slept with one of the horsemenwomen? Oh, Dean.

Loved this! Thanks for participating in the challenge!!

[definewisdom.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it! Making people giggle is my reason for living ^_^. Thanks so much.

[hollyleebush.livejournal.com]

You got it right in every way! A non-angsty angst fic, including everything the boys are....great stuff!

[fleshflutter.livejournal.com]

That was just awesome! Loved their nonchalance in the face of the apocalypse and Dean's distress over the lack of pie! :)

[dreamlittleyo.livejournal.com]

Ahaha! Best closing line ever! God, this was entertaining. And the horsemen, and of COURSE Dean knows what they are, and he might have slept with one of them... fabulous. Truly.

[burntace-skins.livejournal.com]

“No more pie? Man, That sucks out loud!" LAMO! That's awesome! And dude, I could totally see Dean possibly sleeping with Death, not to mention, the boys being so calm during the Apocalypse and actually critcizing it! Hehe, awesome!