definewisdom: (???)
This is technically a Sherlock/I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue crossover.

Yes, you read that right.

Title: The Goodge Street Gambit and the Controversial Non-Holmesian Principle
Fandom: Sherlock (BBC)
Characters: Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, DI Lestrade, blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo by Sally Donovan. (No pairings)
Rating: G
Warnings: Large amounts of crack and silliness. Mornington Crescent (it comes with its own warning).
Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes is by Arthur Conan Doyle and I take no credit for the characters involved. These versions of them belong to Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat. Mornington Crescent was not invented by me. Its beginnings are forever lost in the dark and backward abysm of time.
Author's Note: Written for [ profile] rinyula who asked for John and Lestrade playing Mornington Crescent on this week's Make me a Monday on [ profile] sherlockbbc - here. Betaed by [ profile] the_gabih who is clearly one of the most wonderful people on the Internet ^_^ (Thank you so much).

You don't need to know about Mornington Crescent to read this fic, but it might help.

Summary: Lestrade and John play a game of Mornington Crescent, Sherlock tries to work out the rules.

Everyone knows the Lord Fanshaw Rule Book was discredited in 1955 )

definewisdom: (Dean - wet)
Title: McGonagall Monologues V: Hogsmeade Weekend
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Word Count: 922
Warnings: attempts at humour
Pairing/Characters: Professor Minerva McGonagall, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, with mentions of Sirius Black, James Potter, Horace Slughorn, Madame Rosmerta and Professor Vector
Spoilers/Era: Half-Blood Prince, MWPP era
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the Marauders are the property of J. K. Rowling. I gain no profit from this work of fiction. If I owned them Sirius and Remus would have survived and lived happily ever after... together.
Author's Note: Another McGonagall Monologue that's been burning a hole in my harddrive for almost a year.
Summary: MWPP!era. Hogsmeade Weekend should be a day off for Minerva, she isn't even on duty. But things never go quite according to plan when James Potter and Sirius Black are involved.

What do you mean: Professor Slughorn is a monkey? )

definewisdom: (Default)
Title: McGonagall Monologues IIII: Hell hound
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Word Count: 1525
Warnings: attempts at humour
Pairing/Characters: Professor Minerva McGonagall, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Padfoot, and a cameo by Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail
Spoilers/Era: Prisoner of Azkaban, MWPP era
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the Marauders are the property of J. K. Rowling. I gain no profit from this work of fiction. If I owned them Sirius and Remus would have survived and lived happily ever after... together.
Author's Note: Another McGonagall Monologue that's been burning a hole in my harddrive for almost a year.
Summary: MWPP!era. After a slight problem with the animagus transformation James and Remus are called to Professor McGonagall's office to explain a slight canine problem the school is having.

I had hoped that a week would pass without my having to resort to the dubious pleasure of your company )
definewisdom: (Shoulder)
Title: The Best Damn Pie in the World
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG
Pairing/Characters: Dean, Castiel, Anna, spoiler character 4x18 )
Warnings: Weird AU, intended as crack
Spoilers: Season 4, 4x18 sort of, but not majorly
Disclaimer:I own nothing, I get no money. This is purely for entertainment purposes
Author's Note: written for [ profile] comment_fic, [ profile] downfall35's prompt Supernatural, Castiel/Dean, Castiel's diner makes the best damn pie there is.. This is sort of attempt number five, and I was tossing up between pos-averting-the-apocalypse the boys and Cas set up a pie shop and AU. I decided on AU. Although this might be the beginning of an entire universe.
Summary: AU - Dean's tired and hungry and goes into a diner he's never noticed before for some pie. It's the best damn pie there is.

it was the sort of place you found when you weren't looking for it )

definewisdom: (???)
Title: If You Were the Last Man on Earth
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: R - comic violence and mentions of sex
Pairing/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, mentions of Gwen, Gwen's dad, Will and Lancelot
Disclaimer: I own neither Merlin nor Shaun of the Dead, I am not getting any money from this. If I were I would not be panicking so much about how I'm ever going to pay back my student loan.
Warnings: AU, Attempts at humour, Crack... Cracky-violence, Zombies. Character death - but in a humorous fashion, I swear.
Spoilers: None, no really, none whatsoever.
Author’s Note: A line came into my mind that was clearly from an epic zombie!fic... I decided that I didn't have time and wrote zombie!crack!fic.
Many thanks once again to [ profile] wrennette who was nice enough to laugh while beta-ing.
Summary: The world is being overrun by zombies and Merlin and Arthur are two of the last living people on the planet, they think.

No zombies were harmed in the making of this fic )

definewisdom: (WTF)
I wrote Apocalypse!crack... Possibly the most bizarre thing I have ever written (apart from that thing with the leprechauns which is only in one notebook and will probably never be inflicted upon the internet). Written for the [ profile] spn_boc challenge. My chosen Blue Öyster Cult Song was 'The Horsemen Arrive' and for some reason the fic became... this.

Title: The Horsemen Arrive
Author: Mariana O'Connor
Characters: Dean, Sam, Death, Famine, War and Pestilence. Also featuring some souls of the damned.
Rating: PG
Time frame: post-series? I imagine
Pairing: none, gen
Disclaimer: I don't own the Winchesters, the Impala, the Horsemen of the Apocalypse or Blue Oyster Cult. I just <3 them a whole lot.
Summary: It's the End of the World... winchester style... sort of.

Notes: I know that Reapers aren't actually Death, but I took a few liberties.

The world is ending and you’re concerned with the background music? )
definewisdom: (impala)
Title: 13
Character: um... the Colt
Rating: G
Spoilers: Dead Man's Blood, Salvation and Devil's Trap
Pairing: none, gen
Disclaimer:I do not own the Colt.. or Supernatural, or the Winchesters, or Daniel Elkins
Summary: A life that is not a life, measured out in shots.

13 )
definewisdom: (Alec)
Title: Ball-In-Hand (aka. When Pool Balls Go Bad)
Author: Mariana O'Connor
Characters: Alec, Sketchey and a pool ball
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel... or any of the characters therein. Although I do have a secret plot involving Alec, some heavy duty tranquiliser and my understairs cupboard.
Summary: Sometimes it's a good idea to quit when you're ahead, as Alec finds out.
Author's Note: [ profile] jam_pony_fic CONTEST ENTRY - Sketchey beats Alec at pool. Just a slight warning for crack and general weirdness. Also, everything I know about pool I learnt from Wikipedia, so please forgive any errors.

Most of the time being a pool ball is not the most exciting job in the world )

definewisdom: (Run)
Title: Tentacle Monster
Author: Mariana O'Connor
Characters: Sam, Dean
Rating: G
Spoilers: None
Pairing: None/gen
Disclaimer: I do not own either of them, just the tentacle monster... no, you're right, that's been done so many times before I don't even own that.
Summary: Crack... the Winchester brothers face a tentacle monster, and, with no knowledge of how to kill it, they resort back to the old favourite.
Author's Note: Written for [ profile] estelwillow in an English lesson when she was off ill to cheer her up with gratuitous topless!Dean. Yes, the entire fic was written to get Dean to take his top off...

Light the blue touch paper and stand well back )


definewisdom: (Default)

February 2012

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